WOULD IF FANS COULD WATCH A FOOTBALL GAME,
WHERE PLAYERS COULD BE AS VIOLENT AS THEY WANTED,
AND WHERE THE SWEET WHOLESOME CHEERLEADERS,
COULD DO THINGS THEY WOULD NEVER DO IN PUBLIC?
WOULD YOU WATCH THIS NEW LEAGUE,
OR WOULD YOU KEEP WATCHING THE NFL?
(Published September 7, 2019)
Investors Claim the New Virtual Football League Will Completely Replace the NFL Within One Year! Remember You Heard It Here First, From Me–
by DR Wolfe
“Maybe someone should tell NPR and the University of Kentucky that football fans could care less about how athletic the players or cheerleaders are–” A spokesperson for the VFL said on Friday.
“If we want to be honest, the only reason most straight males watch football is to see either extremely violent or provocative behavior from the participants,” according to one of the unnamed investors in a new cable series that will be called the “Virtual Football League.”
Thanks to technology, the producers say it will be possible to create the perception that the the virtual participants are real people, playing a real game. The clock, the fans in the stands, and the sounds, will create the impression that this is a real game of football being played, with what they say are some real “advantages” over the other version of football.
“So why not give the fan what they really want. Except in our league no one ever really gets hurt,” they privately told me on the first Friday of the 2019 NFL season.
According to a secret business plan I got a brief look at this week, using this simulation technology, the creators and producers of this exclusively cable show intend to provide several games per week on an unnamed network in which virtual players and cheerleaders behave in ways that would never be allowed on the regular television networks.
Using enhanced graphics, the fans will be able to watch their favorite teams perform each week, while the cheerleaders become up front and personal in a way fans could have previously only dreamed of–
“We feel the biggest mistake the old USFL made was not going head-to-head against the NFL. We intend to broadcast our games at the exact same time as the NFL’s games are being played, on Thursday and Monday evening, and all day Sunday,” said the unnamed spokesperson for the VFL.
The league will consist of thirty two teams, located in thirty-two virtual cities across America. According to the VFL’s business plan, fans will be able to go online and follow the stats of their favorite teams and players. And for a small fee, fans can also watch any of the other games that were played that particular week, but not broadcast.
From the pre-games to the playoffs everything with seem very similar to what fans were used to, with a few very big differences.
Unlike the “ego maniacs” in the other professional league, the business plan explains that there’ll be no big contracts, or strikes in the VFL. However there may be a few political or provocative stunts that intentionally get out of hand…
“Every play and outcome will be generated randomly. Unlike some of the sports that are being played today, no one will ever be able to predict or manipulate the outcome.” And with a chuckle, the spokesperson added, “And as a final touch, and to make our point perfectly clear to everyone, our season will conclude every year with the playing of the traditional ‘Stupid Bowl’, or something like that–“